Conflict Management

When facing conflict with others, there are several steps to follow that will help us interact nonviolently. Rather than evaluating others in our interactions, we can be more mindful of observing what is happening around us and how those occurrences are affecting us. Judgment, criticism, blame, and punishment are aggressions that dilute the effectiveness that dilute the effectiveness of our communication.

Additionally, we must strive to be more in tune with the needs of others when considering our own needs. The Platinum Rule comes to mind when considering this step to nonviolent communication, as this will help us treat others as they would like to be treated. When considering our own desires, we must learn to make clear requests, and avoid making demands. When we are able to receive what we want through our unrelenting bribing, intimidating, and shaming, our requests have not been granted compassionately. NVC nurtures "respect, attentiveness and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart" (http://www.cnvc.org).

 

Who Am I as a Communicator?

This week, I continued to investigate who I am as a communicator. My listening skills, levels of communication anxiety, and levels of verbal aggressiveness were measured both by a colleague and by my girlfriend.  I also evaluated myself within these same categories. What surprised me most was after analyzing the results of each assessment, all three of us placed me into the same categories for each assessment. Overall, I feel pleased with the results and am happy to know that both my coworker and my girlfriend view me as an effective communicator. In terms of my listening skills, I was regarded as empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others which helps me build relationships. The results of the communication anxiety inventory suggest that I am comfortable communicating in most situations and feel confident in anticipating such encounters. The results of the verbal aggressiveness scale indicate that I maintain a good balance between respect and consideration for others' viewpoints, and have the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of a position rather than the person holding that position. Taking these assessments also revealed several areas in which I should seek improvement, and I will create communication goals accordingly.

After continuing to explore who I am as a communicator, I have gleaned several new insights. In order to be effective communicators, we must work to understand how our perceptions respond to diversity. When communicating with others, we must not fall into a state of mindlessness in which we passively make snap judgements about the person with whom we are communicating. When we allow our perceptions to interfere with communication skills, our uninformed instant reactions and perceptions can be detrimental to the flow of effective communication. Additionally, we must be mindful not to let biases cloud our thoughts. When bias works its way into communication, we become unable to view situations differently and often ignore the information that is being shared. This represents what O'Hair and Wiemann (2012) refer to as selective perception, and it hinders our interactions with others.

I believe that being mindful of diversity and how my personal schemas respond to differences is key to communicating effectively with others. This heightened awareness will help me be prepared to shift my initial perceptions away from any existing biases and concentrate more on the sending and receiving of messages as they are intended.

Resources

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction, New York: Bedford/St. Martin's

Rules for Effective Communication

When I consider the varying cultures represented within my group of friends, colleagues at work, colleagues at school, and my community, it becomes apparent that operating from a place of ethnocentrism or cultural myopia will hinder effective communication. When communicating with others, regardless of their background, it is imperative that we are willing to adjust our actions and behavior to accommodate the perspectives of others. This is not to lose sight of our own values and ethics, but rather to enhance our ability to communicate effectively. If we are stuck only on our perspectives, we are greatly limiting ourselves. 

When communicating with others, it is not enough to simply treat others as I want to be treated. This provides no guarantee that others prefer that same treatment. When communicating with those who may have different perspectives than we do, I feel it is important to remember to:

• Follow the Platinum Rule. When communicating with others, treat them as they themselves would like to be treated (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011). This may differ from our own preferences so we must adapt and adjust accordingly.
• Work to be other-oriented, moving ourselves away from thinking that our own perspectives are the only ones that matter. When engaged in social decentering, we take into account the thoughts and perspectives of others (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011).
• Practice empathetic behavior and consider the emotions others are feeling. When we experience the emotions of others as if they were our own, our perspectives shift as our orientation no longer focuses only on ourselves. 

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon

Observing Communication on TV

Arrested Development is a hugely popular show with my friends and family, but I haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet. With the purpose of observing communication without words, I chose to watch the first episode of this show the first time through with the sound turned off. I paid attention to the characters and their relationships, focusing on their nonverbal communication. All signs point to Jason Bateman as the main character, as he has the most time on screen. It seems that the show is based around him and his family. He seems fairly level headed and professional, whereas his family consists of a bunch of goofballs whom he can't seem to take seriously. While the others seem to look to him for advice (their facial expressions and body gestures indicate they care what he says), he seems reluctant to embrace them. As each character is introduced, their name flashes at the bottom of the screen. Each character seems to share the same last name, indicating that these characters may be related. He has a brother who seems to be some kind of magician. Bateman looks at him as if he talking to him is causing his head to hurt. Another character, possibly a brother, gives him a big hug and Bateman responds with a half hug and pat on the back with a please let this moment be over soon facial expression. His mother seems to dress in a way indicative of wealth, however her style seems to be perceived by Bateman as all flash and no style. He makes a comment to her and winks, and this causes her to rip off an accessory. He doesn't seem to take her to seriously based on his facial expressions (raised eyes and sarcastic smirks) but there may be some kind of important information he is trying to get from her. He seems to ask her a bunch of questions, and she turns and walks away each time. She seems to be hiding something. She rolls her eyes and seems more concerned about the furry scarf wrapped she just tore off her neck. Bateman's soft spot on the show appears to be his son. His demeanor is much different around his son, Michael, Jr. They seem to smile easily at each other and Bateman's body language is more relaxed around him. Where it appears that he may be at odds with the others, he is and his son seem to be on the same page.

After watching it with the sound turned on, many of the impressions I developed from the muted version were confirmed. Bateman's character, Michael, is suspicious of many of the members of his family and longs for the day that he will no longer have to spend time around them. He generally plays nice, and wishes them no harm, but he doesn't trust or believe in them. While the muted version made it appear that the others valued what he had to say, the sound confirmed that they don't seem to take him anymore seriously than he takes them.
The family owns a company, and he prefers to act in the best interest of that company. Many of the other family members, however, seem to only be interested in it for personal gain (expensive magic tricks and furry scarves expensed to the company), and are easily irritated when he rains on their parade. They act interested in hearing what he has to say, but seem set on keeping secrets from him. This is the apparent cause of his suspicions and distaste for them.

The show opens up with Michael smiling and looking pleased. The narrator begins,    
"Why is Michael so happy? Because he's decided to never speak to these people again."

I think this exercise suggests that we must remain mindful of the messages we send both verbally and nonverbally. It's amazing to see how much we can communicate without words, however, it's also interesting to see how much our actions can diminish the meanings of our words.  

Competent Communication

As I consider the people in my life who have been excellent communicators, one of my undergraduate professors stands out to me as being exceptionally effective.  When it came to expressing messages, the information she shared was conveyed simply and clearly. Her messages were easily understood and students were able to fulfill the tasks that she assigned with success. I feel that several of the key strategies she used to communicate effectively were the use of clear and audible diction, concise sentences, logical arguments, and a fluidity to her approach of expressing messages. She demonstrated appropriate and calm body language, displaying good posture, open hands, and an easy smile. She carefully read her audience to know how her messages were being received, and made changes to her approach as needed. This represented a willingness to adapt to different situations, something I feel an effective communicator must be able to do. 
In the classroom, she created an environment in which communication was seen as a two-way street, modeling effective listening as well as speaking. She was empathetic towards the messages of others, asking clarifying questions and restating their messages to ensure she understood as she attempted to ensure she was accurately receiving the messages of others. She seemed to keep an open mind when communicating with us, valuing the diversity of opinions and preferences within the group. As I continue to grow as an early childhood professional and enhance my communication competence, I will seek to model my communication off of the skills this particular professor displayed.